Dear Emily of the Future,

If you are reading this then I suppose congratulations are in order. Congratulations! You are only moments/days/weeks away from delivering your second baby!

Don’t take this the wrong way, but you weren’t exactly prepared adequately for the last birth.  Precious Emma came into a well-intentioned effort at organizational preparedness, but you really did not know any better. There was only so much people could tell you, but the rest you had to learn from experience.  Now that you have had that experience, you know.  The sad part is that your memory is awful, but no worries.  I am here to remind you about all the things you promised yourself you would do “the next time around”.  

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LABOR AND DELIVERY

Going to the hospital

I don’t care how many false alarms you have.  I don’t care if you only go once and just know that it is time.  EAT.  For goodness’ sake, you must have a meal.  Do not go into the hospital on an empty stomach.  You won’t be feeling good. Darren will be making stupid jokes. You are probably going to be taking Emma to Mom’s or Sarah’s, but take a few minutes to eat something.  You need the energy, and you don’t need the nightmare of enduring labor under the influence of starvation.  Chances of you needing to undergo major anesthesia are pretty low, and very likely hours away. Your food will be digested enough by that point.  If you should vomit during labor, so be it.  At least you will have the pleasure of vomiting up food instead of pure stomach juices (unlike last time).  I have instructed Darren to make you eat.  He says it will be impossible to convince you, but he should remind you how hungry you were with Emma.  Eat something before you walk through the doors of that hospital.

One more thing: take that last belly shot picture. You will wish you had one.

Mode of delivery

I assume that you still want to attempt natural childbirth with no interventions.  Good for you! I believe it is important that we trust our bodies to accomplish the things we task it with; delivering  a baby, for example. Last time you suffered with back labor, and you fought a great fight.  Darren, Amanda, and your nurse did everything in their power to ensure you were as comfortable as possible and to encourage you in avoiding the epidural.  Your decision to get an epidural was wise under the circumstances.  Hopefully this time around you do not have back labor and you are better able to handle your contractions when they get very bad.  I think you will be fine since you were able to hold out for so long last time, but just in case you change your mind, this is what I want you to do:

Skip the IV drugs.  You will probably be hooked up to an IV already, but if you decide you need any kind of drug intervention, go straight to the epidural.  The IV drip didn’t work long enough last time, and it made you really sleepy and delirious, which made it hard to focus and engage in what was happening.  Your mind became most clear when the contractions hit, and that is just a cruddy way to feel.  I know how you are, and if you start accepting drugs you will eventually want the epidural anyway, so skip the magic carpet ride, and go straight to the sinful relaxation that the epidural provides.  You will be much happier if you do, and you will be able to remember more.

Also, even though it sounds disgusting, last time you kind of wished you had taken up their offer to have a mirror to look at.  Go ahead and give that a try this time.  If it is too horrifying, they can always just take it away.

Labor positions

You were not comfortable on your back last time, but you also weren't super jazzed at the idea of walking or moving at all.  Try.  I want you to make at least one lap around the labor floor when you are in the early stages of trying to progress through labor.  This will hopefully help you progress and help the time pass quicker.  After your water breaks/they break your water, you won’t have that option anymore.

You discovered as you prepared to receive your epidural that you were able to manage your contractions better when you were sitting on the side of the bed hunched over the pillow.  You groaned a deep, guttural, scary groan (involuntarily) that seemed to help you through the pain.  TRY THIS POSITION NEXT TIME.  Request that they only monitor you and the infant intermittently (ex. 15 minutes on, 30 minutes off) so that you can do this.  You will need help into this position, and you will need Darren standing in front of you for support.  But try to remember how much easier you managed the pain.  Save the position for when you are really hurting.  (haha yeah, I know...how do you differentiate between “really hurting” and “really hurting”?  you just do.)

Pictures of the birth/immediately following the birth

Take pictures of any and everything.  Your female support is there to do just that.  Make sure you get a picture of the baby with the delivery doctor and nurse.  You forgot to get a picture of Emma with her nurse and weren’t able to get one until she was 6 months old.  That is just ridiculous.  You want that picture for the memory books, so make sure you get it in the hospital.

Taking a million pictures is how you end up with gems like this. 

POST-PARTUM (warning: this part is gross)

Peeing

The nurses were way too interested in making you pee within the first 6 or so hours after Emma was born.  Try to beat them to the punch and drink tons of water ASAP after the kid is born.  Your body will likely not want to relax enough to pee because of the trauma it will experience, but it will be okay.  Drink, drink, drink, drink, drink.  Showing initiative ought to make them less pushy.  It better.

Panties

You need to pack real, honest to goodness, bikini style granny panties in your hospital bag.  A whole pack.  The monster pads the hospital provides for you, though icky beyond belief, are perfectly sufficient to absorb the waterfall (bloodfall?) coming out of your lady parts, but those mesh panties.........let’s just say they make the whole experience a lot more uncomfortable for you.  You desire the security that a snug-fitting pair of big girl undies provide.  Oh, and just in case you forget, you needed size 7 Hanes after Emma was born.  None of that size 5 garbage.

If you want to be on the safe side, feel free to bring a size up just in case you want to try to squeeze two of those monster pads in there.  

Fist-bump, Baby

Stool softners

Your discharge nurse will suggest that you take stool softeners for a week or so after giving birth. Do not dismiss this advice flippantly.  Remember the terror you felt knowing you needed to take a dump but just knowing that even entertaining the thought would shred the stitches that so delicately held your tender lady skin in place? The softer the stool, the less scary the sensation.  You learned that the hard way last time.  

Clothing

Waste not your money.  All you really want are yoga pants.  You tried jammies last time, but they became too hot and made you feel too slobby.  You tried sport bras, but they were impracticle and also made you feel slobby.  You want yoga pants/capris and/or loose-fitting leggings.  You also want a couple of nursing bras and tanks (you should still have a few from Emma) with loose fitting t-shirts.  You don’t need nursing pads yet, though it might not hurt to pack a few (6 or so) just to be on the safe side.  Chances are your milk won’t come in until you are home already.  Be sure you have at least half a million nursing pads waiting for you there.

Hygiene/appearance

You will not want to shower very soon after having the baby.  What I mean is, you WILL want to shower, but that will might not be enough to get you in there.  Here is my advice: secure the services of your labor and delivery female support for the PP shower.  Or, request someone else to be there as your PP female support.  Either way, you need someone’s help.  Half of your hesitation is knowing that you will need to brush your hair and such afterwards.  You need your girlfriend there to brush and braid/dry/whatever your hair for you, as well as make sure you don’t have any make-up smeared all over your face.  It wouldn’t hurt if they were willing to put some make-up on you as well and tell you that you are beautiful, even though it will kind of be a bold-faced lie.  The truth is that between your exhaustion, elation, and overall head-spinning, there just aren’t enough brain cells left to command the faculties that want so desperately to help you feel as human as possible.  That is something you need someone else to provide for you.

Also bring some perfume to spritz the back of your neck.  Do not underestimate the transformative empowerment that accompanies the scent of perfume on your skin.

Activities to pass the boredom

Believe it or not, you would have been happy to have had a board (bored...teehee) game to play as you and Darren flitted away the hours in that cramped PP room.  You’d have been okay with face cards, Phase 10, or Scrabble, MadGab or chess.  Nothing too complicated, but enough to hold your interest...at least for a few minutes at a time.

Also, don’t stay in your room the whole time.  Take a trip to see the baby in the nursery.  Darren can help you if you are feeling weak, but honestly, you need this.  Cabin fever doesn’t take long to set in, and you were really sad you missed that opportunity to see Emma through the nursery window just because you felt “too gross” to leave the room.

Bring an extension cord so that you can more feasibly play on your phone.  That drove you bananas last time.  Plus, you couldn’t really reach to plug it in to charge, so you were constantly ordering Darren around.  We both know how much he loves that.

Feel free to adore that baby as much as you can

Food for Darren

I know that last time you told Darren it was entirely up to him to provide his own meals since you had enough to worry about, but, as we both know.......he didn’t.  Pack the poor boy some sandwiches in a cooler.  Or ask Mom if she will be responsible for the Husband Care Package of sandwiches and drinks.  Chances are that she will be more than happy to provide that service, and you won’t feel half so guilty chomping away at the surprisingly delicious (eh...mostly) meals that the hospital provides for you.  And since this time around you’ve already got yourself a little girl, Darren’s hands are going to be pretty full anyway.  It won’t hurt to prepare ahead and have his food and drink taken care of.

Pack a case of water and keep it in the trunk.  You will want Darren to bring it up to the room at some point so you guys can down as much water as possible.

Food for you

Yes, the hospital will provide just about everything you need.  But you will get snacky.  Pack light stuff, like gummy snacks, fruit, and chicken salad (you love chicken salad with grapes in it!).  Try not to indulge in potato chips (if you can help yourself).  Definitely don’t eat pizza within 24 hours of delivery.  Your tummy WILL NOT appreciate it.   In fact, right up there with asking Mom to provide Darren’s cooler of sandwiches, see if you can convince her to include a “first meal” of whatever you request (request in advance; don’t be rude and wait until the last second).  That way you guys aren’t scrambling to find sustenance and end up with a huge pizza that makes you feel gross.

Care for Emma

I can’t really help you out much there since I don’t know how old she is or what things she really likes or where you live or who she will happily (more or less) stay with in your absence.  You got this one.

Care for the new wee one

Take as many pictures and videos as you possibly can or want.  Try to spend more time skin to skin and snuggle him/her under your shirts.  Nurse as much as possible and drink plenty of water.  Remember that breastfeeding can be a struggle at first and his/her latch will most likely not be perfect right away.  Take time, relax, and trust your body.  It knows how to nourish your baby.

AFTER THE HOSPITAL

Going home

I cannot emphasize enough how much you need to dress for the occasion.  I don’t care if it just means you are wearing a real bra and a pair of pants that is only one color, but please, please, please, please, pleeeeeease, do not wheel out of there in jammie pants and an oversized hoodie.  The picture you have with Emma will never see the light of day because it is that nasty.  I insist that you wear make-up, have your hair fixed somehow, and dress halfway decent.  Wear a maxi dress if that is what it takes to create the illusion that you have it together.   But please be dressed well enough for the traditional sidewalk picture.  It will help you feel like you have it all together.

Also, be considerate of Darren.  Taking Emma home made him feel pretty nervous.  Remind him that he is an awesome daddy and has nothing to worry about.

Help at home

Last time you weren’t sure how Mom could help.  I am writing this to tell you that her presence would have been a great thing to have.  Being alone so soon after bringing baby home is scary and depressing.  Make sure Mom is there, or if she can’t be there all the time (she does have a life, you know), do what it takes to make sure sisters or friends you trust can be there to help straighten up the house, tend to Emma, and just be there to talk and listen as you tell your story over and over again.  You needed that last time. Make sure it is someone who is okay with seeing you more or less exposed.  Breastfeeding baby in beginning means lots of nudy time. Don't forget that you will survive.

Your survival moment with Emma--you were able to put jelly on your breakfast bagel

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Well, there you go.  I have asked Darren to help you remember to read and abide by these words with this next child.  I’m sure there are still plenty of kinks to iron out, but it is a learning process.  Even though you have had a baby before, they are all different, and circumstances are not always the same.  You already have a child, which adds a whole other dynamic to this process with which you are unfamiliar.  Just try to have fun, and don’t strangle Darren just because he thinks moronic jokes will help to relax you and lighten the mood.  I will remind him between then and now about how that is most certainly not the case.

Love forever, Emily of the Past